Rantings, reviews and lists from a person who structures half his life around obsessing over music.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Common - Universal Mind Control (2008)

2.5 ★/5.0 - 5.9

Fade in on the schoolyard. Common sits on a bench, watching all the other boys as they brag, boast and taunt their way through a particularly loud and coarse game of Dodgeball. Usually an optimistic and clear-headed straight A student, he holds a somber look on his face, still bothered by his mediocre grades last year. A flurry of thoughts go through his mind. Perhaps academics isn't everything? Perhaps he should learn to have a little more fun? Perhaps he should make at least some attempt at fitting in. Suddenly, fed up with all the other kids constantly excluding him from their games, he steps up and marches into the crowd...

Common: Hey guys how's it going!
Everyone turns to stare at Common, absorbing his whimpy voice, tame demeanor and depressing sense of fashion; coke bottle glasses, sandals w/ socks and a lunchbox with a peace sign on it. Kanye, the most popular of the group and Common's lone friend, develops a look of concern. Suddenly someone breaks the silence.
Jay-Z: whatcha want, faggot!
Common: ...Well, um...i was wondering if you could...maybe let me in on this game?
There's a long silent pause before the group explodes in a fit of laughter.
Ludacris: Aww, this bitch wants to play with the big boys now!
The wall of roaring laughter continues as Kanye leaves the group and runs over to Common.
Kanye: Look Common, I'm your friend. You know I almost always support you. But this is a little out of your league. Dodgeball just isn't your thing. Why don't you go back to class for lunch? I know Ms. Rosemary could use some help, and she'll probably love that last poem you wrote. I'll meet you there in like 15 minutes.
Common: Hey man, I'm sick of this! I know how your friends constantly talk shit about me! Calling me gay, and pussy, and teacher's pet and nerd. I can talk about girls, and play-fight and Dodgeball just as well as the rest of you! Just teach me how to play and I'll pick it up real quick!
Timbaland: ahhaha! Come on guys, let's give him a shot; it'll be worth a laugh at least.
Kanye: I'm sorry Common but I'm not gonna help you out here. I really don't think this is such a good idea.
Common: well...won't anyone teach me how to play at least!?
Pharrell: eh...I guess I'll help him out.
10 minutes later...
Kanye deleriously struggles to give CPR to Common's unconscious body.
Timbaland: man, he was doing pretty well...
Pharrell: psshh...only when I aimed my tender shots at him. I got just a little aggressive and then all of a sudden, he's sprawled on the floor. And I was barely even aiming too.
The Lesson learned? Always be yourself.

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